Why shouldn’t I reply?
I am alone most of the time (24 hours a day) and bedbound many hours because of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis.
And I am an Eremit, grown up more and more like a crooked tree or some fossil.
So you see, I am grateful if someone is adressing me.
By the way: what if we e-mail us for a while and I publish our E-Mails on my website? No big thing, just
chatting. I mean: you said, you are an unemployed Zwenty-Some from a „third world country“ who has nothing
„better to do“ than follow me. I mean you see: (Me not) but especially you in your situation could tell a lot of interesting
things!(and have already). While me, as I said, am an older woman, phisically sick and imobil, dying from loneliness and
without any prospects. The only problem is my bad english. But here, maybe I can improve a bit.
Yes, it’s random how we are „placed“ in the world and today I feel extremley helpless.
It’s easter day, I feel abandoned and deserted. I don’t understand why I live in such financial security, in such „Noblesse“
and „Sleekness“ where everything seems always to be settled but inside this machine there must gape a big hole.
You see: I can buy almost everything: clothes, divers foods, books, jewelery, makeup, pills etc., but despite of all this I
cannot watch into human eyes nevermore!!! This is a very invalidating feeling!!! At least in a chronic state that
goes far behind Covid. At least for me!!!
For quite some times now ( 8 months, ca. but actually for years) I have the impression that I cannot live any longer in this
solitude. Since December I dwell in a house beside a dorm for phisically disabled people. Everyday I see wheelchairs
slide, see humans sitting in these wheelchairs but don’t see their faces because they are completely hidden behind the
But this mask, in my view, is sitting in those faces since years!!!! And what has been a symbolic mask just turned into
a material mask now!!! Do you find that rubbish? (what pains me, I mean. )
I have not talked to a an only face these three months though I showed some presence. But obviously I just don‘
t exist to my environment. The reason therefore is:
I don’t belong to any institution, I have been slipping through the visible world that is a world of institutions
and must see the consequences now:
You cannot live free as a bird (what I never was) and having a social life!
Switzerland, this word with a „heavy weight“, you called it in your first E-mail has a shallow taste for me.
It’s a grey-white coloured word. (as I see words in colours). I associate this word with a fully installed,
fully turned on frigo, but empty cleaned and cold inside.
Tell me, Mo, must I be grateful to be Swiss? Am I ungrateful in your eyes being negativ about my
Maybe it’s also an individual problem (of course). I have gone through, bad circumstances that come all together in
one, randomly as you constated things happen. A bubble we are born into (you said) and we can hardly escape.
But pray tell me: why I feel like a loser, if everything is random!? Do you tell me where you come from? Maybe
I can associate the name of your country with a colour?
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