Crash on Bell 5 to 10.
The first three months in 3004 come relatively high. Recurring violent crashes briefly. Bellgrad 20 to 25. Took the stairs to Tiefenau five times in March, round trip, with the metro to Bern, Post, Supermarket, Bahnhof: a single feast. 20 Minutes on foot from Rossfeld to Reichenbachstrasse 120. ON FOOT: even so steadfast and formerly militarily from step, that I thought: I can try again with pumps and heels. Ordered several.
The last time too much, then stop. Old Leier: I had become cocky and desperate, wanted MORE. 5times a month 40 Minutes to make a trip to Bern on the post office; what a content.
so woke up and something in my right brain has since gone wrong (already had, not to this extent). No more balance when standing, Slows down perception, Neck area rock hard. Maybe several small strokes, because the right hemisphere (Arm, Neck muscle, Stomach) is as good as limp again.
No further. Just a small circle of absurdity.
Desire life a thousand times, und in diesem Begehren bereits der “Fatal blow” (the crash with its neuroimmune destruction mechanisms.)
A small growth of needs, a little reprieve: take another short walk, Another hour of playing the guitar, once again “be ready” be…. present.
Then an atom bomb dropped on this healthiest temptation, this healthiest urge to live.
It's very, very difficult, to dwell in this destructiveness. But this is what ME demanded.
ME desires, to resist the temptation of life. This means life in its approach, Impulses, willingness!. One cannot move further inwardly either, Make changes, because that too is based on a functioning metabolism.
ME desires: to wait for organic death, without going back to organic life again and again. To understand, that the body is only devastated by the returning bombs, if that “luck” hypothetically tried or the “struggle”.
No, Less, it is less: it is the vitality in the destroyed body, which further destroys, devastated, quartered, etc
ME desires: overwinter…..im Hypometabolismus…..until real death…. hibernate for decades……overwinter the winter…. 10, 20, 30, 40 Hibernate summer….. no bear is allowed to stimulate its metabolism…. as long as it is winter in his metabolism.