consideration

During a long-term writing depression, shaped by laziness and superfluous thoughts, that it's nonsense, a few mundane thoughts, which one has already thought with great effort, also to be formulated, where they have already been thought and therefore already exist— Even if only virtually, in a head. But that's not enough, if only they are thought in this one head, exist and so are? Let them be there and stay there in this one head! If they have to be thought, which makes no sense at all, because to formulate it doesn't bring anything to the outside anyway. All these superfluous, banal thoughts already exist, at least for me, in my head—- (I talk about my thoughts) And so why still formulate it and make it visible to the outside world? Isn't it enough, that all of these thoughts (the ones in my head) already exist, virtual, in me?—- And so why carry it out, share and share, this makes no difference! Whether these thoughts are here, in my head or outside of my head, out there, what does it make, what use is that, what does this step bring me? If this, what I think, must be thought of by me, I think: certainly not, whether it needs to be said, I think: certainly not, whether it exists then, when it's outside or just another sale, the, capped in a bubble, slams into an endless space, in which one thought paddles on its own hundreds of millions of times—- These and other thoughts just gave me pause, when I finished: Save yourself the trouble of one more thought from now on!

And here is the consideration: I made it for myself several years ago in Bern train station, while crouching on a bench at the meeting point, watched the commuters and a white sandwich with lots of salty butter, but squeezed thin ham:

'Everything thick and thin, Huge and tiny, Far external and deep internal interests interest me. A very rich person, I think so, can be quite thinned out by its wealth, to be quite rich in inner poverty. Er kann in seinem Dicksein ganz dünn, completely salty of his deep inside, in its external appearance, however, be completely sugar-coated. On the other hand, a poor person can be very rich in his poverty, be quite thickened by its wealth. It can become quite obdurate in its thickening, in his stubbornness very deeply, very huge in its depths, to be completely tiny in its external appearance. He can also express himself sweetly. Can enter small in large expanse, big screaming in a locked room. Incidentally, everything can be the same for a person. He can get fed up with nothing and nothing, everything can be too salty for him. "

So I looked and I looked and I looked (these physiognomies on and through these physiognomies), when my train drove away. At this point a consideration ends abruptly.

(2010/17)

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