I see exactly 3 battles, that I could win or lose:
- Disease or physical homeostasis
- professional resp. artistic recognition
- Love: I don't see other battles at the moment and have no eyes for them, e.g.. for as much lifestyle advice as radically healthy eating, Enlightenment through meditation, Turning to Spirituality, passionate concern for them, who are doing badly in the world (social engagement for animals or people in the unjust world) etc. etc.
I conclude from this, that chance, Winning battles is bigger, the more harmonious the personality.
A good sick person (altruistic) should in principle have better chances of survival than a badly ill person. (ego) (but of course that is now extremely subtle)Summary: I can't win Battle One. (I also didn't win it by feeling / making love, but it made me feel better!)
I lost battle three. (I also didn't win it because of losing Battle One, can't win)
The chance, Win Battle Two, look bad. (here it gets more complicated. But I think, I can't win Battle Two,
because i am i)And now I have a crazy thought (occasionally):
I can't win any of my battles, because i am i?!Then the hours of this I are numbered!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Because I don't want to lose all three battles of my life. I must, to be able to go on living, a little while, emerge as the winner from at least one of these three battles. I can no longer be a loser in everything, I remember, that I never used to be such a hair-splitting one, had a brazen attitude towards existence. I lived the day and found the best I could: the most important is, that I am fulfilled, Feel pleasure, can march under the sky, my basic needs don't cause me any problems (Essen, Sleep, digestion).(9.10.20)