When I got sick, with 20s, I thought, I'm dying, but they told me the lie, that I am healthy and keep my body, they said that again and again and lied to me. So I believed that lie and survived the first few years of the disease, believing in the lie, without having died. And then came a couple of years, between 25 and 30ig, in which I even lived, always threatened from within, from the body, but still worked, marched, entered into exchange with people, was live on site, from time to time. I sure did not live life, that I would have lived, if I hadn't had defective hardware, on the way to the cripple, but the moments… the moments … I snatched them from me … entriss stinkfrech … and escaped my cripple = body, like a puppy, who escapes and turns a few bends in the grass in wild madness, before it knocks over him … but then the lie returned, in my thirties, came up, like a sewer, and i knew, dying is announced again- how long, and why, I did not know- “Be Rambo!”, said the psychiatry assistant from W., “just shift up a gear on the bike, when your arrhythmias set in…” And I wanted to be Rambo, Of course! And master everything with the will, also this cripple asshole of body. But this time the heart attack spread, worked like a lightning rod. I felt, how more and more organ systems were cut off from their energy tank, I was amazed, how cellular power was withdrawn and replaced with partial numbness and paralysis, I was 40 years old and lay in bed. I wanted new ones, go other ways, also as a cripple, but, there are no new ones, other ways in myalgic encephalomyeltis, because there is no change without physical, mental or emotional commitment, no action without cellular energy! Fuck, I could not believe, not until yesterday, that all my body functions are in the state of hibernate, of artificial hibernation! (what studies by Naviaux show!) Couldn't understand, that I am to the lowest of life functions, how I am forced to lie there and breathe, that these are still hard work, that there is no possibility on a purely physical level, to still actively participate in some form of life and to enrich myself, in order to initiate a recovery process or at best to get through the negativity of death. Do you know a disease or a condition?, where any willful constructive intervention is fatal? No! I only know the programs, to which we fall back, when we are in need and the present state is no longer bearable: we distract ourselves, we look for ways out in the transformation, in a new form of activity or existence, we have to be able to develop, a change, this is life! Playing Dead-Syndrom, will the M.E. also called. I can only laugh and scream at the same time, when psychosomatics and psychiatrists try, to treat an M.E sufferer with behavioral therapy, this after decades of burden of proof, that these therapies cause serious harm to a physical illness!- still- i think that: so shabby, as cheap as dirt! Sometime, thanks online, I uncovered the lie and am behind it on human indifference and many people affected, Bumped into sick people. On the laws of capitalism. His cold-bloodedness has definitely hit me now, because I suffer from an illness, which is largely disregarded for insurance reasons. The name chronic fatigue syndrome itself invites all medical professions to do so, the serious neuroimmune disorder myalgic encephaloymelitis G.93 continues to be trivialized and as something in between “mentally and organically” (so it cannot matter)abzutun. Let's not look right, the lie is more convenient! I've arrived at the truth, but it is also hard to digest. Sometimes I want someone back, who lies to me again for twenty years and says: “You only have a couple of psychological conflicts, that take place on the stage of your body. That is not a problem. Go on!” I would then, pretty sure, in the next days or weeks a so-called “natural” Death like heart failure by exceeding my physical limits. And the real cause of death would still be nicely concealed. Welcom to Hades!
(22.6.2016)Naviaux Studie AJ