a respektive b) inside / lying down (so that enough oxygen, Muscles / weak neck. Chest muscles relaxed)
b respektive a) balcon/outdoor, dramatic attempt (ohhh is difficult for a non-actor, am not happy with that ohhh, wrong ohhh, I'm not a performer, but poetess, but acting has always somehow fascinated me. I notice in any case, when the content is lost from my body on this little energetic thread, That I try to keep connected. I imagine, that Dorothy Parker would render her poem funny and mischievous, laconically, maybe ….) The hearing, that hears me writing, is lost or no when reading aloud or reading other texts, when writing, the ear is somehow “incarnated”, When declaiming / technically reading / speaking, hearing only comes along and you have to deal with two foreign elements: the stranger, own voice and its technical (limited) like vocal / physical possibilities as well as the textual content, that you can now listen to (got to) like someone else's ear. I understand already, Why, you often hear me when declaiming “Fake” accused (at school, later on an acting class. It wasn't possible for me, read the text more than once “embody”, because on the second attempt I no longer felt it. Must go to Sybil Vane, think the mistress of Dorian Gray. As soon as she fell madly in love with him, she was no longer capable of the balcony scene (Romeo and Juliet) to play convincingly. Strictly speaking, she only played grotesque and fake. Dorian, who was crouching in the theater with Lord Watson, then fell out of love with her. In the cloakroom he explained to her, how much she had ridiculed him in front of his friends with her bad acting. She just beamed, and explained to him, how so. She later took poison, because she no longer found any taste in acting ….Oscar Wilde's Dorian Gray is structured like a drama) Though mine “Ohhhhhh” in the first(Afternoon attempt, balcony) got out of hand in fake porn moaning, I notice, dass ich dabei, so after the stupid ohhh, that I couldn't keep up, was deeper in feeling, because I was declaiming it for the first time, than the second, quieter attempt, that sounds less fake. Conclusion: you feel authentic, it is obviously not the case to the outside and vice versa, etc.. That could tempt you to do so, to claim, that a technically perfect actor, who makes one cry with his art, by the way, could also be an absolutely hollow person, exaggerated … But apparently there is such a thing as routine in art, I think, that I myself came into contact with it somewhere, although I always only “automatic writing” wanted to do ….and so do something, which is not about the result, but where you also have the “path” sees etc. Can only repeat, that I care only about this “path” went, can / could … and I am technically / technically not necessarily teachable. I think about it for a while now, why I think anyway, that I am a poet, although I have earned a total of maybe 2000 francs in the last one 20 Years. This means, no, I have to take that back, this means, I already have the answer: I just FEEL like this, as if I were a poet, I am not…..as simple as that(mjs universe) it would have been a hell of a pressure, for me, to have to be something to the outside world and earn money with it. And to be honest: I would much rather come to the realization myself, that I'm doing something bad, as if someone told me, even if it is / was a much longer process for me, than with a gifted student from an art college…. I do not know, while I'm on this topic, I do not know, if I could ever take any more money for art….I would be ashamed, so, as I am ashamed of my art, without, that I made money with it. I know it, that she is bad, definitely has massive dangling movements, and that it would be absurd, to want to / be able to earn money with it, still I can't let it go, me about that, define what i do, it's branded, like a stamp or belief, that this, what I'm driven to do, also that is, what determined my life. In retrospect, I would call it a mistake.
Maybe I will work on this “Ohhhhh” still practicing. It's damn annoying, that I can't leave it like this. Unless I forget. Which is quite possible.