Suddenly the old parents' life becomes porous and fragile. And one wishes, that the sun is always shining, for her, when one could not shine even for her.
And, I did not do this for my producers; seem.
Then came the new virus, for which I still have a suitable one, symbolic name search (Lockdown virus would be inappropriate, because the word lockdown clearly belongs to ME and was actually invented, to outline ME.)
So this virus is powerful enough and has ushered in something like the last stroke of the gong in my parents' life, by being left behind from their social life at that moment, when the state takes measures beyond its “Sheep” imposed.
Bis anhin war ihr Leben in der Pension lange stabil verlaufen, although it actually happened in a bubble. (But what life is already taking place outside a bubble?).
My parents were busy all their lives, they acted and continued to function in exactly the same way after their professional lives, as previously. This means, they made themselves useful, sought their purpose in being used, often helped in practical matters, kept themselves sporty sprightly. And tended to be aloof, but regular contact with people of their generation, neighbours, former friends etc.
.
Then one after the other stopped (no more village theater club, no volunteering, no car trips after dusk, no more trips abroad, no more invitations out of fear of Covid, Chemos u health deterioration of the father, whereupon the mother went into complete isolation for him).
And the disaster is, that the grandchildren do not send a birthday card when they are approaching the age of majority, nix!!!! Here I have to say, that the grandparents are self-sacrificing, but also happy to do herding for years and properly cleared the money and still make it for offspring and their offspring.
I am dissatisfied with the situation to say the least. Annoying, that other family members don't take the part, for the good of my parents, that I think of, that I am naturally excluded. (this part.)
I am an egoist, who wishes, the others would not be. I have never been a full person in social terms!!
(Also, God dammit, I can't start all at once, to empathize, so, like I'm strong enough, empathize with people!!!!!).
Of course I could understand, when the producer disinherits you or reduces the inheritance. Why should parents support their kids?, if you are sadly disappointed in these? Conversely, the kids cut out several times throughout their lives, come back halfway or not. The kids allow themselves everything. The producers rather little. Or am I wrong about it? Why am I so considerate in judgment with my parents?, that probably never said to me in my life, that I'm doing one thing well! And that it's good, that I am there! (blaba)
Okay, parents wanted children. But children are only lovely as toddlers, with exceptions. But in the long course of life, in which parents and kids grow old, and, Both generations encrust like shellfish and the sweet kidskids only feel their own existence, this stranger comes over everyone involved and the vacuum swallows them, except …. except….. her love was able to flow from the beginning.
I've been thinking about it a lot lately, whether society would be better off, when they come back to something like a duty “Charity” culturally anchored. These “Charity” would actually be no more or less than a duty, to which one would have to adhere. (Which is already a compulsion: a compulsion to love one's neighbor!? Who says that? I, I love nothing but freedom?! And, God dammit, There is almost a compulsory vaccination? Why then no compulsion to love one's neighbor?!!!!
Old people should be treated with respect, even if you may not see, in which their age-related advantage, your “wisdom” and natural authority lies. (So again I'm disappointed with the old people, As a general rule.)$
It means yes, that in other cultures the elderly are respectful, is treated almost honorably by the family members. Is that a fair bit? Any why is this the case? Do the old people there have something ahead of the old people here?? Do they have other resources, from which you can draw, while here, one might think, after retirement, the elderly do not take another spiritual leap?
I dont know. I just know, that it is due, that young people show respect for the elderly and especially their parents. Under all circumstances!!!!! Isn't it almost always the other way round?, that the producers tried, their children too “love”? Okay, many failed at some point, they made mistakes. And then: there is flowing love between blood relatives? Isn't it more of a burden, that one remains a child of random people, that would be so strange to you, like most of the others?
But exactly with these people, from whose most intimate texture one emerged, you spend your whole life, the beginning above all and the end. And that's an amazing thing!
The relationships, which go back to free choice, are inconsistent. You fail too. In terms of demands and ideas about the perfect relationship! The realization of all of this, what one did not experience in the family.
I heard it the other day, an adult child is said to have brought his parents to court, because it accused them, for this, that they made him! Was können aber die Erzeuger dafür, that they just fathered this child? A child, that life didn't want?!
Once I posted a 40-year-old picture of my mother and me in the Graubünden flower meadows here on Facebook. And it her, my mother, shown. And the mother asked me, remove this, for their protection, as she said. But then I felt that pressing anger again, because I thought, What does the mother want to protect herself from?, she is already as lonely as possible!? So definitely as lonely as I am. And me, but, I don't need this protection. Because this room, here, I understand, is also non-existent and organically distant, that he can't harm me at all, really can't do anything ….
So suddenly the old parents' life becomes porous and fragile. And one wishes, that the sun is always shining, for her, when one could not shine even for her. But I've already said that. And I do not know, how something like that ends. Something, that cannot fully come to, it stays as it is, with this gap in between. And yet none of the parties involved can run away.
I am very afraid of it, because to accompany someone in the winter of his life, you need trust. And when death comes and dying and these important relationship pieces are missing, that could be ignored during the relationship, as a tolerable absence; then these pieces now become painful irritations, to shaky balancing acts! It shows up already during his lifetime, whether you can go through thick and thin with someone, or just through thin, because some of the participants cannot overcome certain elements of their own alienation, to establish the possible closeness for and with the other!!!!
One out of two or a family cannot establish this closeness, when there is no awareness of strangeness, which the others cannot transform—–
—- it is then missing, for example …… a life long …. loud scraps of discussion….. all important elements of exchange….
…. because the weaker participants always block and destroy the flow of the encounter.
Out of fear, I would mine, rather, as well as convenience. But I am not entirely sure.
There are people too, which are close in conventions. And so, if somebody again fails in the conventions,
that are important, to arouse favor with others (family members); then this vacuum is also created.
So we shimmy through life together and alone. And fear the last great catastrophe. But we can't change anything. Maybe it's all natural. No idea. Was geht’s mich an?
(24.9.21)