Letters from a young hairdresser's brain to the psy. (2000)

  1. 8. 2000

 

Dear Doctor

 

Problems are pending. So I want you again “to honor”.

So I stand in the bathroom with my mouth open as much as possible and point the flashlight at my ulcerated tonsils. Seit einem Monat versuche ich vergeblich den leuchtenden Fliegenpilz mit dem schönen Frauennamen „Angina“ mittels einer Antibiose aus der Sprühdose, Scrapers and stalks of my favorite Pralinato Frisco ice cream!

Be ready, doctor, me a medical certificate, which family doctor Schlappbach kindly issued to me for two weeks, To be extended “until further notice”? I know, the question comes at a stupid moment, when I only started the one-year additional course to become a doctor's secretary at the Feusischule a week ago. I mean, I, she, my close relatives, everyone around is happy about this ingenious practical twist, that i mean, I completed my training as a ready-to-use secretary four years ago but can still combine it with a fascinating subject! (Terminology instead of accounting! Association customers instead of numbers!) In principle, everything went well up to and including the introductory round, than being twenty-two, partly a bit older, more bulky, often meched girls, presented in turn:

“My name is so and so. I was born there and there. Have so and so many children. I worked here and there ... ", said, for example, the first secretary, before passing the ball to the second secretary, who sat right next to her. This said: “My name is so and so. Come from there and there. Am that and that ... “, etc. , Then this secretary passed the ball on to the next secretary in line. (because that's how we sat, in rows!) “I am … I'm coming … I was … I'm going!”, said this secretary. But so sovereign, so smooth in sound and tone, like clockwork, so that I secretly thought in cold blood with admiration: 'She is already a seasoned woman in her field, through and through!’

So there were twenty ... twenty-one secretaries through and through, brilliante Telefonistinnenstimmen, Machine speakers, with name, place of residence, Civil status, Alter, former jobs, Divorces etc. presented ... with everything, what goes with the perfect idea! ... almost like in a choir! … when suddenly it was my turn. Und ich unerhört … Schiss bekam! The fever got in my head, the glowing throat hurt me. I fished for a sentence, a set of ideas, scraped at it, lost him, brooded on my speckled throat and the question, how long that would take, around. I forgot that too, when someone called from afar: "What's your name?“And from still further away a voice said, strange and mumbling: “Angina!”

(2000, The Bordi-Collection)
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