MJS: Good morning Marion. You finally have your novel “Belief” published by Loser-Verlag. How do you feel?
Marion: I am terribly happy about it. I almost killed myself from boredom!
MJS: Let's get to your book. There are two parts to it: a part that shows the cheeky brat Jeanne, like them without a social conscience, Lives in the day freely as well as part of it, the one that matured, shows former brat Jeanne as a woman, who has an illness and is profusely bathed in self-pity. How do these parts or figures go together??
Marion: These figures don't go together. I noticed the break around the middle of the story, and I toyed with the thought, only to tell the story of the second part. If I had left out the first part, it might have been possible, to tell a unified story. A story about a physically ill woman. You might even have felt something like compassion for the protagonist. But then it wouldn't have been a development novel anymore. And that story, which shows the development of a non-harmonious personality, a résumé, which is illogical and broken. I do not know, if i did it wrong. After all, there is no causality between the mentally ill, The maladjusted young brat of the first part and the physically ill older woman of the second part. I mean: there is no logical connection,by saying, for example: one evil led to another. It's not like that, on the contrary: In principle, this fusion of mental illness with physical illness is detrimental to the cause of myalgic encephalomyelitis. Which happens to be my illness. But I just had no other option, than to trace those biographical strands, that were important for the life of my protagonist. In principle, I should have written two books: one about the personality of Jeanne. And one about the physically ill Jeanne. In this the personality would no longer have had a place, understood.
MJS: Who is Jeanne Stormchen?
Marion: Jeanne Stürmchen is a network of countless little identity buds, some of which bloom, others don't. Although Jeanne has a real core, she tries her hand at a wide variety of roles. It is never like that, as if she were playing those roles, No. Jeanne Stürmchen's personality is simply complex and extensive. It rolls out like a sea, moves in again, lets different tones and vibrations sound. Has a core, but believes it is diffuse and fragmented, etc.. So one becomes without a counterpart, when you revolve around yourself!
MJS: What will change with the publication of “Belief” to you?
Marion: Outwardly, not much has changed for me. But with this publication, I can die more easily now. It feels like this to me, as if a part of me had finally materialized. I am experiencing a body supplement. However, this comes years too late for me. I am leaving an already rotten child, because I am no longer at the height of my fertility.
MJS: Loser publishing house; that's not a pretty name… apart from this: ain't you a little hard on yourself?
Marion: So hard on me, how cold and hard the world was with me and it still is. I founded the Loser publishing house for inaccessible poets, the, as the name suggests, are seen as social losers. In this publishing house, writers are said to be inaccessible, but also be able to publish technically imperfect literature, which locks itself. This literature can have more bumps, but it is also stronger in character. Writer, who are unable to please, do not know, how to flatter and sell yourself, publish in Loser-Verlag. Of course you can compare these losers with established writers, how to compare everything. But these poets are different in themselves. And this makes their texts unique and their voices subversive and unconsumable.
MJS: are you, Marion, eine solche unkonsumierbare Schreiberin?
Marion: Ich bin mehr ein unkonsumierbarer Mensch, but as a poet I also work with trivial ones, partly quite neat consumable set pieces, I think. And, I think, I'm basically kind of a trivial person. Trivial and primitive, I'm thrown into such a thing “sophisticated” Culture, in ein solches tumorartiges Geschwulst von Codes und Verhaltensregeln, that I couldn't help it, than taking care of my animal brain a little. Strictly speaking: I had to reflect. That was what was asked of me, because I was told, i'm stupid. And it was true. Who is stupid, scholastic stupid; he has to compensate almost everything with his intuition. My intuition is incredibly sharp. I sense everything. And therein lies a form of cleverness. Regarding writing, this kind of cleverness has unfortunately brought me nothing.
MJS: How do you mean?
Marion: I mean, that all you need to write is your brain, ultimately. Intuition, Sensorium, Perception, feeling: none of that does any good, when it comes to, to pour sensual experience into a content and to bring it into harmony with a form. All that is needed for this work is the intellect. Unfortunately.
MJS: You once said, that you write from your gut. Is that no longer true??
Marion: Yes and no. Let's put it that way: I believed, I can only write, because i feel so much. But that was a wrong assumption. The almost passable texts from me are such, that are linked with little emotion. E.g.. Evolving Bern. My only commissioned work, in which I chat through the city of Bern and gossip a bit about the architecture.
But I would be too lazy, to write, if i didn't suffer. And suffering; that is feeling in its raw form.
The feeling got totally in the way when I was writing. It hit me in the body, clear it away. I lost a lot of stamina,
because my body wasn't born to write, rather, to taste sensual experiences. Well, everything else just happened. We live a different life, not ours.
MJS: do you have any expectations regarding the sales of your book??
Marion: I expect an annual average of approx. drei bis fünf verkauften Exemplaren, and.
MJS: why now so modestly again?
Marion: because I don't care about selling. What I wanted to achieve, was a print of my material from myself, a cut from my skin, which was associated with this millstone of autobiography. I should have written ten different autobiographies in ten years. Instead of a single one, but rewrite this constantly! What a regret! But if I hadn't founded my Loser publishing house and hadn't published this autobiographical fiction in book form, I would have gone down with this millstone the next time….
Now I hold my own life in my hands. It really is, as if I had finally given birth. Even if I rotten over hatching. No, it's not about the sales figures, I am concerned with two things: the materialization and book form and an assessment.
MJS: who should “Belief” because judge? And where should that happen? A book, that was published by Loser-Verlag….
Marion: And, how should I know that…. I think, I'm getting tired, Thank God, sleep is approaching! time, to forget everything!
MJS: Marion, Thank you for this interview and congratulations on the publication of your book
at Loser-Verlag. You're not a loser now?
Marion: But.
MJS: Why?
Marion: Weil ich meinen Glaubenssatz nicht bei Wagenbach oder Suhrkamp veröffentlichen konnte.
MJS: Hm. Apparently you're contradicting yourself. Last question: You said at the beginning, that you nearly killed yourself from boredom, if you couldn't have published your beliefs. Why and what would have been, if?
Marion: There are exactly two states in my life: either I'm in physical agony (and so absorbed by symptoms) or I'm mentally hungry. The double-armored lockdown of my duration hangs above these two states. You know, that my social lockdown went hand in hand with my organic lockdown. There has been a standstill in the last six months, Which drove me to the brink of madness every hour. It felt like: to be locked up behind glass, to be alive, awake, but every passage to life outside of me is hermetically sealed. I couldn't go on like this anymore, I should have killed myself out of boredom and too little challenge. I didn't see a human face for weeks. Isn't that a reason for suicide?
MJS: That you've published your book now; does that mean, that something will change for you?
Marion: No. You already asked me that.
MJS: I mean, because I assume, that you don't kill yourself now, because your book came out. Then something must have changed for you, at least emotionally.
Marion: And, I can now hold my life as an object in my hands. That stimulates me inside.
And if I naturally have to die now, then I can hold on to this object, as if it were a human hand. It's not safe, whether there would be one else.