3004_Diary_online_shopping

So you can definitely be an addiction (or bad behavior) have and understand exactly, how this addiction comes about and works. And it can still be, that there is nothing you can do about it of your own accord. That's the amazing thing. And although from then on from “pathological” speaks, as soon as you damage yourself or others with your addictive behavior, (wobei v.a. oneself) you don't change anything about it. It would not be correct, to claim, that you don't want to. But it wouldn't really be true either, to claim, that you want. I do not know, whether it is true, to claim, that I can't. Most likely it is playing with fire. Sometimes a fire doesn't burn for a long time. And then, with a single brief rub as a line over a flammable surface, everything goes up in flames. Then presumably bans from the outside must be used.

When I know, that I do things, who are bad for myself and, but i don't change it; what good does it do for me then, when i go to a shrink, who searches with me in the psyche for the beginnings of my bad behavior? I maintain, that it's too easy (as is usually done by psychs): to believe, that there is a kind of devil in the subconscious, and that this devil, if you don't fish it out with the pliers, rages through one. So in view of the extreme self-reflection and self-accusation, those of “us”, I mean, is required of modern man, can't that be the problem.

I definitely don't think so, that I have a subconscious, That causes the nonsense through me, that I take place. I do nonsense while fully conscious.

(it is not much, but it already matters. Obviously, not everyone can afford the same amount of it)

Specifically, in the last five years, and therefore from my immobile bed position, I have become addicted to online shopping. The sight of twinkling stones, Pearls, Cubic Zirconia or Gold Threader (also trash and imitation, and, vor allem Imitat) do me good. I then circle around the product so long and compulsively, until i order it. It's never about hunting alone, or the piling up of goods. I am looking over the unique detail, that I can fall in love with. I look for the comparisons in the specifics. Once you've found the shops on the Net; then is looking for that “Special ones” no end set, because the special on the net adds up and is marketed down to a trivial one, consumable level.

In clothing fashion, I am also caught up in trash and pollute the environment, in which I support fast fashion. The effort of online shopping is gigantic. You can definitely try ten pairs of jeans in a local shop. But pack ten pairs of jeans and have them sent to you online, is a hideous sin.

I always want to bring the personal into my cube. The perversion goes in the following direction: Because I have next to no output (for which I am not alone to blame), only all human faces 3 to 4 See weeks of life (mostly my parents); I sublimate Oxitocyn shopping.

It is so: when i shop, I am told thank you, for this, that I was shopping! The shops greet me with words: Nice, to have you with us again, Marion Jeanne! etc. Das stimmt mich sanft und beinhaltet einen sozialen Austausch.

Nevertheless, all of this is over now. Because the money, that I shred, not mine.

I need another sublimation.

(18.3.2021)

Marion Road

3004_Diary_online_shopping

3004_Diary_online_shopping

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