At the moment I have to keep showing up again, 'Cause I can't bear to be choked down into invisibility anymore. It hangs over me like a sword of Damocles, Raven. That the clearer it gets, that I'm going away, I rebel against it in all desperation. I know but, that there is no place, where i can be visible, because the more I strive for visibility, the less attention I get. I hate to say it, but the loneliness and being choked off into invisibility are the key points behind my exit request. Of course, it is the circumstances of the long-term illness, who cement this situation. I certainly didn't put it that way. But in fact I can't go on anymore because of the loneliness and the invisibility. It humbles me deeply.