Every day, retrospectively, I will pick it up and bring it before my eyes once more, everything I've experienced. Sometime towards the end of August, Thanatos opened up his black concrete roof, that is as long as it is thick, and into which he can blow little hatches with his grandiose breath. (there is also a normal entrance, a gate, guarded by the hellhound). I do, Penelope, gradually floated through the hatch, in a few hours, maybe in a day or two, when i realised, that I was upstairs. it was morning, and tomorrow is only on earth, morning with dew, fresh air and that mysterious haze. I saw, that the morning people prefer to spit outside than the afternoon, I passed quite a few, we talked, at the end of a day, who was sure of us. And that made me quietly euphoric.
I went into town and brought home many colors, to paint the trees and the sea, that stretches behind the slope of Reichenbachstrasse. I painted my body and had visitors; someone from the old world; who drank and talked all my CubaRum: that he now has ten thousand francs a month to live on, with the child. But I can't throw my life away. (And he started out drunk too, a little fiddling, like thousands of years ago, so calming, Mr scientist.)
But the next day I still recognized myself at the top, marched down the forest and through a beech grove (which was nothing other than the ugly Worblaufen underpass ), along the river bend, grasses, shaggy and tall, Ferns and ivy trees lined the path, dripping and mossy rock, the shadowy rampart of the overhanging Reichenbach forest. And under the massive sandstone base of the Tiefenau Bridge, everything a bit musty, but still broad daylight, to the sewage treatment plant and then up the forest, slight bite, vibrant leaves, so clear and bright in the light, that every rib visible.
I came home, sprinkled with flower seeds, weary, like a healthy person and slept well. But the next day and the day after that, Thanatos still didn't want me back. So I went down, back through the forest, took off my blue Brügg sandals on the bank and lay flat in the water with my clothes on, that closed over me like velvet, so cool and warm.
And then, I do not know, in the evening I went out with the Raven-wing dress, had me brought into town with a lot of other people. A black man ran after me and shouted: You have a nice dress! Then I became very sad. And the black one, who got wind of it, that I can't stand on the curb for hours, began, to persuade me, but to go to church with him etc. Everything as usual and so reassuring, many years before, when I was still walking the earth, in the Marzili below or at the blood tower, and how comforting it was, a Tunisian, shrugging off Arabs or black Africans on their heels (never a Swiss).
And so then I drank my little flower goddess and went home again and straight into the mint blue, tapped into the underwater blue open interior of the neighboring apartment, (where a new one lives), it was one of the last summer evenings, and the terrace door was kept wide open on such an evening, if you weren't gaga. And I laughed. And it was one of those encounters, who I used to love more than anything …. encounters, resulting from unexpected stumbles, from the untrained, when someone lost their house key …. and conjures up a little joy on the face of a neighbor with this information …. nothing enigmatic, oh, No, all spontaneously experimental, because then we talked, just as it happens, and an effusion results, at the end of which one sneaks back into one's own compartment, relatively dull and somewhat confused.
And after this Saturday, who it was, I was still up, one imagines, and sat on the electric bike the next day, pedaled along Reichenbachstrasse and up at the Inner Narrows on the side of the fields, my battery kept falling out, and every time we floated upwind, there was a little stop, but that didn't bother me much, I reached the Langgass district, where many people sat on the benches at lunch, Students in track pants and office workers on their toes. That's what I thought, that I am looking for a job now, above on earth, so long it seemed to me, I've already been upstairs, included, he: it was probably a total of little more than seven days! Seven days of something like life!
I googled the offered hand, No, Not, to give me a hand, but because I thought, I could work there. But the course is eight hours a day and someone checks, what to say. So that wasn't for me, and I googled some more, so also the next day, because, Damn it: I was alone with my unspeakable powers, da Oben! I had to do something about it immediately! So I called the self-help center and asked: Do you have a lonely group?? I do not know, if Thanatos has already breathed for me that day, and, I believe, he had started it, to breathe me back into Hades. I felt this strange pressure in my head, on the ever trembling limbs, in the nerves, who started, to break apart like brittle leaves.
But, because I didn't want to go down to Hades, I braved myself another day. I went to Waldau and looked at these psychiatric places of life, where I had died several times and yet lived, like nowhere else. But, up at the edge of the forest, where the pain goes, And I always talked to myself, I felt like crying, loud, once and for all, down to the idyll of meadows and cloud play above the old building, in the background the mountains, I never got further than that.
I went to the plant center instead, carrying a plant in my arms, because yes, well, I have a kind of forest between my apartment and the neighbor's apartment, former Sales Manager, had to build, (as I suddenly found, well … because) on the terrace. I had been walking on earth for many days now, not everything was rosy …. and after just a few meters the climbing ivy in my arms became extremely heavy, I would know, this was the last day of my grace period …. the taximan from Sri Lanka kindly picked me up at the Stampa and tried to convince me of a glass partition wall view …. I asked him, no more to speak of this subject.
And then, I do not know anymore …. I had no more strength … slept sixteen hours ….. that was already the long march in his sleep towards Thanato's realm … a sleep, in which all toxic processes in the body awaken …the fever, the burning, burning and burning to ashes the good processes …. and the next day or the day after that, everyone was the same again now, I realized, that Thanatos had sucked me back skin and hair through the little hatch, which he sometimes opened for me. So many, many times. And yet always for the last time.
