Looking back I recognize, that for the opposite sex, the male, the woman is relatively easy to replace with another. Not only, because women generally have a high level of emotional intelligence. The men, e.g.. on Tinder have too 90% very volatile, rudimentary selection criteria, which in principle almost every woman can fulfill, if she is reasonably well looking and happy. Men's love for women is egalitarian and good-natured. And just complicated, complex, a woman must not be demanding or difficult. This is the turn off for every man, who integrates the woman into his concept of life like another jigsaw puzzle. I have met only one man in my life, who loved me for my character, my quirks. Who loved me and not qualities in me. However, he probably only did that, because I was young and pretty back then. For me there is now, with the end of my competitiveness as a woman no longer a reason for life, 'Cause I can't change my gender. And worse: I can do this cant, i fall in love, projected, that I grew up with from a young age, don't just brush it off and forget it. If this longing for devotion and dissolution in love with a man has been another false cultural appropriation, then I hope, that today's generation of women no longer “so loves”. Something about the missing god I have to put on the next one below him, transferred the man, when I was taught, that it him (this god) not exist. I have envisioned my mother's unrequited love for twenty years and my father's emotional unavailability and omniscience, and I have made up my mind, to put everything into it, to do it differently, to live as a woman like Epicurus and take everything from me, as long as i can ….. so as not to have to look like my mother: a sad one, withered saints. A very, Beautiful woman, by the way, she was! But my claims, my nature and finally the living conditions put a spanner in the works for me. And that annoys me more than anything else right now, that went wrong in my life (and that's about it), because I didn't want to go away empty-handed in this area and I found it, over many years, that I have the potential, in this competition for the loving few, sweet men, that exist, along with the countless other competitive women, to play along. I quarreled a lot and lost twice to someone else when I was young. But then I became me, I became myself, with time, that didn't get me any further in this matter, on the contrary. Holy, like my mother, who then renounced love with her head held high and, especially in the second part of her life, sublimated it through her work and friendships with women, I would not. Oh, No! I just became: an evil one, evil martyr! The flowers to pick just weren't there for me! (How strange Freud sounds, when he talks about custom and how important it is, using morality to attack instincts…. it becomes so clear, at Freud, that he speaks of himself as a man, who has never experienced, how this one “devotion to one” feels….. he speaks for his fellows, so, as if they could be tempted a hundred times a day. Wow! Toll! What a life !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)