I guess that was Mel, what is called gifted. I wasn't interested. Outwardly she still walked around like a child, that the mother wore. She wasn't inconspicuous, her ashen locks bobbed with each of her snagging steps. You could see from a hundred meters away: here went a small one, thin figure, there is something going on in their heads as they walk.
Mel was in my parallel class, in the sec.
once, something funny happened before gym class. Mel approached me with a book, flipped it open and said in her own quick way: “Here's another card from you!” – “But!” I was a little embarrassed. It was about the book “Maurice” by E.M. Foster and walked around two men, who fell in love with each other. After the locker room had emptied, turned out to be, that both of us, Mel and I loved this book, like no other. We both fell in love with Clive (back then from the boy, played unknown Hugh Grant …. we had trembled and fought with him …. because ….. because ……
Homosexuality was then, in Foster's time, banned in England. Clive eventually married a woman, and he is seen strolling through the English garden, deeply unhappy.
It was more delicate, I mean, what attracted us to the whole, me and mel: for sure, we were close, break out of the confines of the village. I had already bought a black leather jacket, in seventy, in the junk room, for which one pays three hundred euros in a vintage shop today. I was just a flirtatious princess in a rocker's jacket! But Mel wasn't free yet, Mel was deeply unsettled.
Her story was not trivial: her father had killed himself, the mother drank. Mel was her everything, a gifted girl, that would go to Cambridge, Maybe become a professor.
When the mother found out about her daughter's dealings with me, wasn't she pleased. I can't imagine, that there could have been any rumor about me other than a question mark. I couldn't be judged. Why, surely, I wasn't a good influence.
Mel closed for a short time (the last school year), one and me. At night we met at the castle courtyard in the village, Mel had brought some beers, she had started drinking. This drinking quickly took on excessive proportions, apparently she fell in the exit of Cafebar M. into an alcohol-induced coma. The mother held me responsible for Mel's lifestyle.
When I was at Mel's house with her her “favourite movie” “My own private Idaho” should watch, I almost fell over with boredom. I was also very keen, to hug Mel. So we lay on the big bed, and Mel, who had absolutely superior taste in all cultural fields, must have noticed, that I'm more the chav and the coquettish princess, who despises a really good education.
Mel went to high school, where I went to the adjacent trade school. She hardly had any contact with me, treated me ambivalently. When I got the guy, with whom she was madly in love, all four of my friends from high school dressed up in black groofties at the summer party. They wore masks and stalked sinisterly around me and my friend.
I broke Mel's heart for that guy, who left me soon after, four girlfriends sacrificed, who wanted nothing more to do with me until the end of school.
The book “Maurice” I had it on my bookshelf for a long time. The card was written to myself, it was probably a sentimental saying. Interestingly, Mel and I had both been fascinated and touched by male homosexuality, before our own sexuality was right “educated” war. We had both wanted to be a man for a long time, who loves a man.
For me that would have been better. My God.
(30.7.22)