Current conclusion: it hurts like hell, like the good old flu! In all limbs, in the skull, in the muscles, fever only slightly, will still rise, Coughing and biting in the bronchi …. everything makes me feel at home and reminds me of the good old life, when you could get the flu and recover from the flu, recovered from an illness, that hurts. And on the third day of the flu you were exhausted, but happy …. 2017 the last flu, temperature measured with Christian in the cot and lightly bit his red lip, a bit like in Flash, Oh yeah …. it was nice.
The infection now underpins the autoimmune scratches for a while, the neurosensitive madness, the neuroimmunological sickness and maybe even the constant nausea with a retching marathon every morning since 1. 6.
It's quite comfortable, compared to postneuroimmune sickness, quite pleasant compared to the pathological weakness of the Myalgic E and its countless misdirections, which manifest themselves in all organs.
I'm no longer afraid of dying either, though no man will ever take my fever again. The pain, treated with Dafalgan and Neocitran, are a piece of cake…..it's a pain, who collapses completely from the physical weakness pains in the cells and from the hellish pains in my soul, that I can't get on with my life, for reasons, which i in the 3 Battles mentioned. Fever and palpitations may also occur during the night, no delirium frightens me anymore….
Fear was a powerful motor when I was young …. she blocked me massively, but it also gave me the opportunity to be in control. Fear is not bad per se, unless she is sick, then it also makes the body sick.
In the end, I was only ever afraid of death and illness. But the disease set in. And death will have to be chosen by me because of the disease. Maybe I can say that now, that my fear of death has lessened, the deeper and longer this erosion caused by the physical weakness pain lasted….that this slump in psychological resistance occurs in stages spanning years, that, as a rule, it is a thousand times better to start again at zero after every crash…
….that you never, no, never want to give up.
But then, Sometime, it happens and it starts to break down, like ice under your feet….
Circumstances and events can occur, that you can no longer hold, a silly constellation from one breaking point too many…..
resistors, even if you thought them unbreakable, thought you were, who ZUMTROTZ never gives up, also, because it's the, who are to blame for our condition, by refusing research and therapy, didn't deserve, that you disappear,
while continuing to pursue deeply unjust health policies….
Also dableiben Zumtrotz, as long as possible…..
But this is already a miracle, and much longer than Jesus hours on the cross, if he had a life before, a real!!!!
So you see and acknowledge, that your powers are not superhuman, a sad insight……
……who doesn't prefer fighting to giving up, as long as he can….for decades….in severe myalgic encephalomyelitis, but also under other circumstances and in life situations, which cannot be changed by external circumstances….
because often they are, structural hells, where the individual capitulates