I felt, like time reeled in a wheel. And slowly slag and pitch got caught in it. And now I feel, how time stands still again. A millstone, who cranks my breaths and crushes them in the sluggish movement. Every breath tears apart my solar plexus, melted into a fist, against the dark skin, internally, invisible to the outside. Where I double, meanwhile, No, triple glazed and shielded from my surroundings; in my consciousness and therefore my thinking and being (my self), in my body, who can't move, because he is too weak, in my premises, that enable me to survive against nature, but isolate myself completely at the same time, and in my unvaccinated state throughout the rest of the world. This last point whispers new anxieties to me, Beklemmungen, which surpass everything before in desolation: I may never touch someone again, even more so now, where I as an unvaccinated 1 Meters and 50 You have to keep a few centimeters away from another passerby. 1 Meter 50 centimeter! And therein lies the double and triple glazing. In all the years before the pandemic, it was implicitly a world without physical contact. But there wasn't one last chance, a kind of emergency exit just in case, When you couldn't stick to the rules anymore. Maybe you could get one somewhere: Get or give free huge, palpate one ethereal realm to another and steal on the fly. But now…. No….. I see myself lying in a darkness and the body in it having no chance against this additional one “enemy”, now from the outside, after the other came from within. I see myself imploding and flowing back into this few and fragile interior, that must grasp everything, take everything back. This is how the great rivers die! But how the little ones can still find their way? I do not know it anymore, I don't see a possibility, because it's all about these touches, small, grosse, tiny. Zizek has said it for a long time, that it could be difficult for him “Body”. But mine is sick and needs his environment. But even if I vaccinate now and with my ME severity do not become a nurse or die as a result of the vaccination; how can I get this ditch……. ever overcome again……. this ditch…… these endless…. endless digging….?! I don't have the strength, to open a brutal organism, I can't go into the hidden rooms there, where they are, who still live with their body in real exchange with other bodies! These micro-worlds, in which people are relaxed about themselves, realtiv distanzlos, intense movement, fast….. I would feel like a foreign body more than ever! Like a wild one! I am a foreign body, foreign body, foreign body…. I'm not natural anymore, out there, in the world, I've become unnatural. And if I want to get in touch with this world somehow, I have to negotiate…. there are no more unsettled encounters. There can be no more contact without the courage to be committed. (How many meters? Is it worth? etc.) It is like that now, that vaccination stands for touch, and the vaccinated stand for health, progress, business, Community, future…. aber selbst, if I still vaccinate (I repeat myself, I realize, I'm in the hamster wheel); the course has been set, the tracks re-scattered…. the vaccinated are the relatives, the relatives occupy the rooms, the rooms are not open…… in public there are still only masks left, which legitimately make the separation complete….. the marginalized, like me; these are ghosts, who may scream under their masks. They would only react with fear and flight.