I haven't been able to for half a year: 1. cry. —
Not being able to cry anymore; that's the kind of protest, which I appeal against my failure. There is something numbing about personal failure throughout life, Paralyzing. It is, as if a force presses you under water, The pressure is gradually becoming stronger. I just lay (yet) protest against my own failure. There are areas, I can't affect them. I know, that my fate is interwoven with the outside world; they not. It is called: The depression arises, If the possibilities, to work and control your own life, are cut. This is possible, Because the consequence of these capped possibilities is fainting. In turn, fainting disempowers this self. I could be as hardly or only then depressed, If I had unlocked myself/it would be no more than a (irriges, scratch) Feeling for myself. Which is not my own failure, My triple non-existence; No autism diagnosis as a girl and young woman; overlook, girl ), no (ME diagnosis between 20 and 40, Non -belief, Ignore, overlook, Woman with BPS), no official existing disease and consequence of the disappearance (Me between 40 and 49, Ignore, Overlook, Most of the time women,).
But what I make of it as a cripple; That is in my hand.