I don't see any way out. During the day I can no longer move because of weakness and nausea. My relatives “frolics” me, because they are helpless themselves, accuse me, to reject them. My doctor sees me in psycho rehab, I showed him the notepad about heavy ME 3 times. I can't stay here, in the place of my broken relationship, because I can't stand UN reconciliation. I can't look for an apartment, because I cannot move during the day. I have between three and five hours, until I am able to get up and have a drink, Eat very slowly at night. I have no one, who takes the physical situation seriously in the environment. I can't turn to anyone. The mountains, who are in front of me, are too big. The time is divided into hours, in which I endure the strangling nausea and the neurosensory madness with kicking feet and the attempt, somehow metabolize the psychological injuries. I now have an existential fear of survival, me alone “Throw up” power, because that's the way it is, that there is no place, where I as hard(st) ME sufferers can go there now. And I don't see any possibility, how the hellish 24h symptoms diminish in some way, as long as the situation is hopeless. I am afraid of it, to do that, what to do in a calm and peaceful moment. I am afraid of it, To take Reissaus! It's on my neck! I've got there, where I lose my nerve psychologically, my control system is failing ….