ME-Diary, Topic, That hollow me out vertically

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#Myalgic E/Dead-Playing-Syndrom der Moment wird dir geschenkt. The moment is snatched from you. Like little pearls stuck on a barbed wire fence, Range from 20 to 50 Years(How many kilometres?) Maybe 2, maybe 10, maybe 20 Pearl attachments on barbed wire per year. Hourly rate? "I have lived so little, that i think, I can't die" A healthy man named Houellbecq once said. I can use the quote for myself, and steal it from him with a clear conscience: If you ever exist with Myalgic E. in your cellular metabolism, and you appear in the visible world: then you want to sort everything out: the circumstances, and why you are there now in this moment, but no more an hour later etc., etc.. But that you can't really talk about life, as if you were a part of it. This imposes itself on you, to mention. That you, For a moment escape the cage of hypometabolism, Can't say more than a hello. Hello. No matter, how you emphasize that. And the ciao, You save yourself goodbye. You have long since decomposed in him. Life is continuous. Experience of continuity and body confidence is what makes you human, who can have a say. Maybe you will find out in your life, if you ever get into physical distress. I mean physical distress, Threat to your own body. Not a threat, which has not yet reached your body. (I am not a corona denier, but allergic to hypocrisy.) We (Hundreds of people too many, that I know of, but actually there are hundreds of thousands) lie 20, 22, 24 Hours invisible there, not half a year after the post-infectious disease. Years- For decades. Our gaze turns strictly inward. Christ was crucified only once, this just as a comparison. Okay, this one time it sure hurt. 24h lying in the dark with the most severe symptoms, can't even turn around, Decades flabbergasted by the care, Dependent on absorbed and overloaded relatives. The heaviest. Jung. (He died for sins? Highlights.) How many have redeemed themselves in the past year, next door. Brachial. (Topic.Stop) A pearl hour, In which you can see me, I give everything. Everything is biochemical. I pour you over. Who you are. But I can't tell you, how absorbed I am, composed in every moment, to slip back into the chest. I am on my guard, that there is no well-being and no peace in an organism, who pays for activity and emotional vitality with prompt neuroimmunological worsening of symptoms. How should I explain it to you, when you live in your body as a self-image? You have the themes of life, and i just got the theme of survival. Hop from one crack to the next. One hypometabolic crisis chases the next. And now, drink coffee once every leap year in sunlight and in the presence of intact friends. Sometimes even more is possible, a miracle then, Euphorie and Adrenaline, trembling: Having a say in life in an upright position, grasp the healthy as continuity, which first gives them the opportunity, to have an opinion. Funny. Revive and know at the same time: it's biochemical Cheat! (in our case). Look, a healthy body is a book, but one with moderate ME (Bell 30 mostly housebound) and severe (Bell 10 bedbound) just a single incoherent fragment. This is how he appears in life, like a little comet. Submerge again. That's why i say: Understand me quickly! Understand me now! Understand, what you see in me!! Now call your merciful minute, denn ich muss in genau siebzig Sekunden zurück in den Stall! I see of course, how much we could have left, since I see death. But it doesn't matter. Ciao. This is an eternal return to a life of approx. 40 Years seen, I guess. Could be different, when man "gut" would. Would like to say a child substitute: Let's fund research into myalgic encephalomyelitis, a disease of the approx. 200000 People are sick and have been 70 Years has been under-researched and is negated as an ill health, especially in this country. (other countries are further along). Economically horrific failures, by the way. Invest Mr. Berset in them 90 Percent of women affected by ME in CH, instead of boasting with his army against fear and for the walls with his God: Functionality. Child replacement closed. Because complexity turns bad into good and good into bad or mean good and mean. And we are all perpetrators and victims. And I'm fed through ... but let me call it parasites, einen mittelbösen haha ...oke.... and pay .... Crashing thousands of times and not exercising any muscle strength, to kick a ball properly once! Emotions, non-viable on the basis of hypometabolism and central nervous inflammation. Doctor sexism that never ends, neither, when you say: I give more. J'ai jamais donné. Ashole. Lived for a dream beyond utility; (other topic, but only if you exclude the topic of gynecology that has been neglected for decades) I tear myself feeling (I'm not allowed to use the word heart anymore, because old-fashioned, taught me the female poet Kuschrat, haha) from this one snippet, to forget, that there is life u homeostasis. Beyond the heart?, (I called it now, I whistle.) You cannot suffer in the cell for decades, and at the same time cannot forget, how it would feel, to run, to dance, to dream and hope and believe, you would have an opinion, because a life path as a continuum. (thanks to which you can consume nutrients). If I had a child , as a "quality" Mother and useful wife, I don't even know, whether my child (if it also had ME) ever gets therapy in our superworld of rubber frogs. And his child. Or whether it also spends a life in bed. And the world says: not so bad. Sorry, if i am a few days before my period ...